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Hotelier Rogues Gallery Pt I: Meet Thy Mistress

Through sheer force of her indomitable will, Marlene Krauss, M.B.A., M.D., PlD. bends the very fabric of reality to suit her needs.  After becoming the first woman ever admitted to Harvard Business School – Marlene2b outside of an insignificant trickle of lesser women – she went on to dominate Wall Street for eight years, cornering the gold market and bringing the financial world to its knees.  “You’ve never seen so many grown men cry,” she says.  “Weaklings.  They were throwing themselves out of windows when I was done with them.” 
     Suffering from a case of terminal boredom, Marlene became the first woman to enroll in Harvard Medical School – once again, outside of several others – finishing in less than a semester and subsequently hanging out her shingle as a practicing proctologist.
     “They were ass-clowns to bet against me,” she told a reporter from The Daily Sycophant, “I defy God himself to put a limit on my powers.”  Now, slammin’ hot at 60, she mud-wrestles women a quarter of her age at Spring Break venues around the globe.
     It does bother her, however, that Hillary is the one getting all the attention.  “I could beat that bitch like a drum,” she told Puff-Piece Weekly.  “And if my husband ever got a blow job from a intern – not to mention that disgusting thing with the cigar – there’d be one less pair of testicles this side of the Rio Grande.”

     Together with her husband, who she met at his funeral, Marlene founded several health-care companies, including Cambridge Hiney, a maker of Tuchas decloggers for patients susceptible to chronic constipation, and Mudflap Technology a developer and manufacturer of anal laser systems to correct saddle bags.
     And now she has taken on the ultimate challenge, attempting to run the Chelsea Hotel.  Tremble, Bohemians. — Ed Hamilton

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28 responses to “Hotelier Rogues Gallery Pt I: Meet Thy Mistress”

  1. Harvard Business School? Avatar
    Harvard Business School?

    Harvard Business School is and has always been a SECOND-chance option for undergrads who are desperate for a Harvard degree but who couldn’t cut the liberal arts mustard or get by the acceptance board. Everyone who has applied to university knows this, Ms. Krauss. This is not impressive.

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  2. Cowboy Avatar
    Cowboy

    I’m sorry (send your hate male now) I actually am impressed. That is, I would be if this was true. I wondered multiple times while I was reading this if it was fiction:
    “…hanging out her shingle as a practicing proctologist…Now, slammin’ hot at 60, she mud-wrestles women…”
    Proctologist? Really? Is this fiction like the Mugwump story? I’m confused.

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  3. A witness Avatar
    A witness

    So, it looks like KBL Healthcare Ventures needs money–right now–and the Chelsea Hotel is going to have to provide it.
    Has everyone paid their back rent? Hurry up. Ms. Krauss is waiting.

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  4. Former Resident Avatar
    Former Resident

    Good for her for doing all that in the story you linked to BUT bad, very bad for her to do what she’s been doing to the Chelsea for some years. She has led the pressure to get the long term residents out and raise the hotel prices, to get shops in the lobby and, of course, to take management away from Stanley despite his half century working for the hotel and his majority ownership. It’s all a game to her, “maximizing the profit.” She’s a shark who can’t stop.

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  5. Cowboy Avatar
    Cowboy

    Ok, now I don’t feel so bad. Everyone here seems to think that this is true too. I read it about five times and based upon the names Sycophant News and Puff-Piece Weekly I have concluded that this is indeed a joke.
    I’m reminded of Alan Alda in Crimes & Misdemeanors (at least I think that was the one), “If it bends it’s funny, if it breaks – it’s not funny.”
    Correct me if I’m wrong.

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  6. Former Resident Avatar
    Former Resident

    Cowboy, the piece is a joke, but there is a link to a real story in the post. She is indeed an impressive worker. And a shark.
    If she need money for her company, perhaps she should sell her share in the hotel to Stanley.

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  7. 421to323 Avatar
    421to323

    Cowboy, you need to have your satire detector checked. It’s obviously a big joke.

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  8. sparkle Avatar
    sparkle

    I’ve been trying to get a handle on these partners who would do this and keep changing my mind about them, slightly. I read in a bio of Marlene Krauss that she has a “passion for investment banking and retinal surgery,” which would make her almost quirky enough to feel comfortable in the Chelsea hotel. She’s admirable in many ways. But the money thing gets in the way.
    The insane real estate market and all that goes with it has driven New York into a frenzy of greed, blinding a lot of people to the real value of the Chelsea (and New York) and turning them into sharks. In the fight for survival in the jungle outside, everyone is susceptible (or maybe just me), but some people positively thrive on it. I’m not sure which one she is. Maybe if she’d spent time with the residents, gone to some of their productions, she would have had a different attitude about the hotel, its residents, and Stanley. Maybe she’d get it. Or not.
    I miss Arnold Weinstein and the rest of his gang. They’d have this one nailed.
    We have had some very nice heirs and heiresses in the hotel, as residents and as guests (Fifi and Lulu, e.g.), so money doesn’t blind everyone, at least not permanently.

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  9. Cowboy Avatar
    Cowboy

    Ok, I get it, it was a joke. [I even went so far as to say that I get it, 421] But ‘obvious’? As you can see by the other replies it was anything but obvious.
    As far as my satire detector goes, I let those that know appreciate the irony.

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  10. 421to323 Avatar
    421to323

    Cowboy, you mean. . . the Mugwump story isn’t true either? Ah well. Good story, all the same.

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  11. A witness Avatar
    A witness

    Sparkle,
    Regarding Marlene Krauss: It’s not her money that’s troubling. Nor is it her relentless pursuit of her aims. It’s her obvious blindness to the value of the creative life. She doesn’t see the point of any lifestyle or activity that doesn’t bring with it a significant monetary reward. The same goes, apparently, for the new management group. They don’t get why anyone would not want to get the most money they could, no matter what.
    This city is full of people like that, and creative types have managed to live with their own, different values anyway. Now, though, the stakes are so high and conditions are so favorable to the moneyed folks that there’s a real danger of this becoming a one-philosophy town. And if that happens, it will be culturally dead and extremely difficult to revive.
    The danger is that there are so many other serious problems right now that the Chelsea’s dilemma strikes a lot of people as pretty minor. They won’t know what they’ve lost until it’s too late. And most people assume that nothing can be done in any case. But they’re wrong. With a blog like this as a point of rienforcement, and a place to exchange ideas, it’s still possible to resist the trend long enough to come up with a solution.
    Sorry for the long post. But walking around the city today, I see glass boxes going up in every direction. New York is so close to being over. It’s important to act.

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  12. Betty Bishop Avatar
    Betty Bishop

    To Marlene Krause,
    I urge you to take your twins and go to the Chelsea and talk to some or all of the residents of the hotel. You may find you understand each other since you all seem to be dream chasers.
    Apparently the original Chelsea co-operative “carried” a percentage of artists. This is as it should be don’t you think? Life without soul is no life at all – you must know that since you chose to have babies at 53 years of age.
    Maybe, with your help, the hotel could be sold to those who now live there with or without the help of “Chelsea Friends” who live around the world. Or maybe you can just leave Stanley where he was and take a few less dollars for the sake of decency and art?
    I think it is going to be a very rough ride to get these people out of their homes – even if it is possible I doubt it will be worth it.

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  13. sparkle Avatar
    sparkle

    I agree A Witness, but I think perhaps it is the lust for money that has blinded her. She seems to have felt that in the current greedy climate nobody would fuss outside of a few residents about this takeover. I am told they are surprised by the huge outcry and bad press. What could render them so clueless? Greed. It is pretty remarkable to change careers and become a doctor when you’re 40. That’s the kind of accomplishment most chelsea residents would admire. I admire it. So what keeps her from being admirable in our eyes? The OTT love of money which inspired her to plot this coup and takeover behind Stanley’s back for some time, which blinds her to the value of the place.
    I am assuming, of course, that she is, deep down, human and susceptible to beauty and reason. I could be wrong. She could be a completely sociopathic, manipulative, power-mad bitch. No dearth of those in the world.
    It’s all just theorizing though, since evidently she doesn’t show her face around the hotel.

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  14. sparkle Avatar
    sparkle

    Betty, the original Chelsea of cooperative apartments and a few artists didn’t last long and the place was turned into a residential hotel 1902 IIRC. The problem with trying to do this now is that the artists would be at the mercy of the coop board. The people who buy the apartments might all be like Marlene Krauss and the artists tenants would live in near-constant fear of being booted. Given the current climate and population of New York, this seems certain. If under the coop plan the artists are given long-term leases it still means that the artists pool is stagnant. One of the great things about the Chelsea under Stanley is that the population changes, some new people came in, some others moved on. It kept the place fresh and vital.
    What has worked at the hotel for a century is a combination of long-term residents and transient hotel guests, and it worked best with the Bards at the helm. I believe there are 60% long-term residents in the hotel now. I don’t think it should ever go below 50. We shouldn’t compromise with people who gave Stanley and the residents no opportunity to negotiate this takeover. They took a hotel from a man who was a majority shareholder and had run it for 50 years, earning the hotel great acclaim. I just can’t get over that. And the woman behind this sickening coup has yet to come to the hotel and introduce herself to the residents.
    People here may not like Cindy Gallop’s shoe display, but she had the humanity to invite the bloggers over, offer her hospitality, even appear in an interview about it. the contrast with MK is pretty striking.

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  15. Witness Avatar
    Witness

    Probably there is something deep down inside that’s human, but all of her adult life she’s been trained to put the bottom line first. That’s what they teach you at Harvard (and any other) Business School. It’s legally actionable for a corporate executive to place any value whatsoever above corporate profits–they can be sued for that, as Henry Ford was by his partners when he tried to let his workers share in some of the corporate profits.
    Frankly, I don’t see becoming an eye surgeon as a deeply humanitarian move. Eye surgery is highly remunerative. As is, potentially, a health products venture these days. As for children, they can also be seen as items to be checked off on a list, no? I’m just saying that none of those events in this person’s life contradict, for me, the impression that she and Elder have internalized the corporate worldview so profoundly that until they kicked Stanley out they forgot that other people exist in the world who see things in a different way.
    Now, maybe, she’ll learn something–preferably not over the Chelsea’s dead body.

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  16. Former Resident Avatar
    Former Resident

    “It’s legally actionable for a corporate executive to place any value whatsoever above corporate profits–they can be sued for that, as Henry Ford was by his partners when he tried to let his workers share in some of the corporate profits.”
    And, evidently, as Stanley was by his cutthroat partners.

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  17. Witness Avatar
    Witness

    Maybe pressure could be put on the city to zone the Chelsea for artists, as Soho was zoned (or, for artists and those earning under a certain amount per year).
    Many Soho artists are selling their apartments to Wall Street folks and retiring on the profits. So even artist occupancy doesn’t necessarily guarantee an artists’ residence forever. But if there were an income ceiling, that would prevent the soulless rich from taking over. And the rich people who love the arts could live nearby if they wanted to.

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  18. Witness Avatar
    Witness

    Yes, Former Resident. Evidently.
    Evidently, they see Stanley as almost criminally irresponsible to the coroporate shareholders. And that’s all they see.
    But if money is all they see, might it be possible (just to consider a remote possible for a moment) to buy them out?

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  19. Former Resident Avatar
    Former Resident

    I’m all for the protests and guerilla actions — he more, and the witter, the better – and trying to do my part from afar. But I’ve been characterized unfairly and I don’t like to do that to anyone else any more because I feel double shitty if I do because of my own experience. We can all relate there, right? I’ve been really angry about this and still am, so I am trying to backtrack a bit and find the good in her. There appears to be some. Is it on the surface? Does it go deeper? She’s human. She has got to be hurting from this publicity. I’m not asking you to bring in the violins for her or to get too soft for the fight. But to wildly paraphrase Gandhi, in a nonviolent protest one must always give one’s opponent the opportunity to be good. There must be a door open. On the off-chance she is human and has feelings, I don’t want to make her suicidal, do you? I want her to change her heart and mind about the Chelsea and have a better, more fulfilling life because of it. At the Chelsea hotel, we know this is very possible.
    She should come to the Chelsea to meet with the residents, one by one or in small groups — not like the big mass meeting/luncheon David Elder threw for the staff yesterday. I want her to make her arguments and hear ours, to be given several mini tours by residents, to hear the stories, to have a cocktail with Norman in the garden by the pyramid. Maybe, and I hope this doesn’t sound corny in the New New York, but let her at least glimpse, if not feel, some of the love in that place. If it doesn’t change her, then she has lost her chance, and she will always be known as the woman who cold-bloodedly killed the Chelsea Hotel along with her partner David Elder. It’s terrible what she and Elder did to Stanley, but she should have her chance to make right and clear her name, shouldn’t she? To either let Stanley, David and Michelle run it the way they used to run it, or to offer to sell her share in the hotel? (The same goes for Elder. What is his deal anyway?)
    And if she doesn’t respond, we kill her. Fair enough?

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  20. Avatar
    Anonymous

    That’s the hope, Witness, that the Bards will be reinstalled and money can be raised to buy out the other two. They have to want to leave, very badly, for whatever reason, and we have to find money to pay for the stock. The Bards could contribute some, and we could all be stockholders of varying size, and we’d need a few more big guns to pull it off. It’s possible.

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  21. Sherill Avatar
    Sherill

    Apropos of very little:
    Philip Hubert, the French inventor, writer, architect and utopian idealist who created the Chelsea, raised the money from two sources (aside from himself): wealthy artists and former members of the uber-corrupt Boss Tweed Ring, who owned the land the Chelsea was built on. The furniture-makers, iron forgers, builders, and other people who built the infamous County Courthouse for Tweed (which reportedly cost more than London’s Parliament buldings, due to kickbacks and graft) designed the Chelsea’s sunflowers, stained glass, woodwork, etc. It takes money and art working together (as well as in opposition) to make a place like the Chelsea Hotel.
    If he could do it then, with people like that, you can do it now.

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  22. Betty Bishop Avatar
    Betty Bishop

    Sparkle – You said “The problem with trying to do this now is that the artists would be at the mercy of the coop board.” and that is true. The artists themselves would have be the majority of the board and I would expect Stanley would run it exactly as it has been run. Maybe it couldn’t be done under NY Co-op laws – maybe it would/could simply be a corporation? Maybe they just have to turn their shares over to Stanley for xxx number of dollars? The bottom line is an offer they can’t refuse – or won’t refuse – for whatever reason. I am sure Stanley would know the legalities necessary. There are many ex-Chelsea artists/residents who have lots of bucks and if they are true artists they must be thinking of this place right now – lets see if they will step up to the plate. Frankly I haven’t found artists to be any more generous than suits! I am not suggesting a compromise – I am looking for a solution – a way to get the Chelsea and the Bard family back if that is what the people who live there want and I assume it is.
    Witness – an income ceiling? You can’t live here if you make over $25,000 a year. Thats different!:-)I agree that if only money talks they will sell especially as it looks like the hotel is going to be nothing but a pain in the ass. I would sell! Let me out of here!They must know that for every one of us writing on this board there are 100 sitting in the wings thinking and waiting
    Has anyone talked to Bloomberg? He may be looking for votes…does he want to buy a share in an interesting hotel? How about lottery tickets – sell them in the lobby.
    Former Resident – well said!
    I’m outta here!

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  23. lp Avatar
    lp

    That’s a great piece of information, Sherill.

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  24. Witness Avatar
    Witness

    I made the suggestion about limiting residents’ income level in response to this from Sparkle:
    “The people who buy the apartments might all be like Marlene Krauss and the artists tenants would live in near-constant fear of being booted.”
    If wealthy people couldn’t buy in, that problem wouldn’t exist.
    But it’s also true, as was pointed out, that not all people with money are wrong-headed. And it’s also true that some quite pleasant people with money now live at the Chelsea. Also, it’s true that it takes all kinds to make a healthy group culture.
    Surely, if the Soho artists could get an entire neighborhood zoned just for artists, the Chelsea, with its landmarked status, could work with foundations, friendly investors, artists-with-money, the Bards, and residents to create a zoned hotel for the arts.
    First, all current residents would be grandfathered in. No one would feel any pressure to leave.
    Second, the transient hotel sector would remain, since it’s part of what keeps the Chelsea lively and at the forefront of public consciousness.
    As for the residents: how about regulating a mix of 10% of residents unrestricted (any income level, any occupation); 60% artists; 30% middle and low income? The Chelsea Corporation could be run by an elected Board of Directors with the same percentages, and with Stanley as permanent appointee.
    Maybe Ethan Hawke has a lawyer on retainer, or maybe there’s a lawyer-artist in the building (I think there is) who would find it interesting to look into that possibility, or a variation of it. And it does sound like something Bloomberg might find it useful to back, doesn’t it?
    Frankly, it seems to me an improvement on the top-down system of a corporate-owned hotel anyway. The Chelsea was built as one of the city’s first co-ops. Maybe it’s time for it to return to its origins.

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  25. Betty Bishop Avatar
    Betty Bishop

    I have been led to believe there is lots of work going on privately by residents of the hotel and their friends. Those of us who post in here are just the noise-makers – the very tip of the iceburg. I like your plan witness – but then someone will say “what is an artist?”

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  26. Witness Avatar
    Witness

    That issue was worked out with the Soho plan, in which (as I understand it) an appointed committe of professional artists determines whether someone is really an “artist” or not. Of course, a lot of people staged one or two gallery shows of snapshots or whatever to qualify, and succeeded in getting certified, but the plan worked well enough until the artists themselves started violating the rules (by selling to non-artists and leaving). In a plan that cover only one highly visible building, that latter problem wouldn’t occur, one hopes.
    Younger and less legitimized artists could still get in via the low-income category. But it would be good to have non-artists in the mix, too, as has always been the case there.
    Anyway, this is just a sample structure. The main thing is to get the Chelsea’s population protected by legitimate institutions and powerful people, if at all possible.

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  27. sparkle Avatar
    sparkle

    Betty and Witness, I like your discussion a lot, there are some great ideas in there.
    It’s unlikely I’ll be back in NYC in the near future, and even less likely I’ll be living in the Chelsea again. But it would break my heart if the Chelsea wasn’t there, going on pretty much as it always has, for others (until such time as it lifts off from its launch pad and returns to its home planet). It’s a little ray of hope in this crappy world.

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