Twas the Night Before Rents Due

 

Twas the night before rents due, and through the Chelsea Hotel

Elderclause1 Not a crackhead was stirring, nor the tourist clientele.

But the Shapshak still hung by the fireplace downstairs,

In the hope that Stanley would soon be back here.

 

New Management was coiled up all snug on their Meds,

While plans for a Legends Cafe fizzled in their petty little heads.

And Marlene in her crotchless, with Elder in a Santa's cap

Planned to blame this bloke Tilley – from the Hard Rock, or some crap.

 

Then from out on West 23rd there arose some rude patter;

I jumped up from my bed when I heard the glass shatter.

And to my uncluttered balcony I made a mad dash,

Half assuming it was Star Lounge's Bridge and Tunnel trash.

 

Half right was I, and the Goons from the basement

Watched idly as Hip-Hoppers smashed one another’s faces.

Then what with my world weary eyes did I see

But an ambulance, more flashing lights, and the NYPD.

 

But next morning when the hammers began, I’d really had enough, Elderclause2

I choked as my little apartment filled up with toxic dust.

More rapid than beagles the building inspectors, they came,

And they swore, and shouted, and called the culprits by name!

 

"Now Elder! now, Tilley! now, Tamasar and McLaughlin!

Remember Born! And Drukier! And Glennon and Bernstein!

You're wrecked this landmark joint! With your presumption and gall!

Now get away! Move away! Stay away all!"

- a resident….

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7 responses to “A Holiday Greeting from a resident of the Chelsea Hotel”

  1.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Merry Christmas to Ed and all the residents working to preserve the history of The Chelsea for those of us out in the hinterlands.
    For the others may the fleas of a 1000 camels infest your orifices.

    Like

  2. Old & Crappy Avatar
    Old & Crappy

    Somebody needs to apologize to former Chelsea resident Clement Clarke Moore!

    Like

  3. DON'T FORGET Avatar
    DON’T FORGET

    Dec. 24 is Storme Delarverie’s birthday! Happy Birthday Storme.

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  4.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Storme. You’ve got more class in one molecule of a little finger than Krauss, Elder, Tilley, Tamasar, Glennon Travis and Bernstein combined.

    Like

  5. Dr Andrew Taylor Avatar
    Dr Andrew Taylor

    Season’s Greetings to all at Living with Legends/ the Chelsea. Keep up the good work and fighting the good fight!

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  6.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    The revamped Clement Clarke Moore lyrics nailed it
    Neer-do-wells and Never-weres like Andrew Tilley most certainly are “wrecking this landmarked joint” and they’ll keep it up until they are stopped. Doubt it? The mandatory end of balcony gardens, patio furniture, even rooftop gardens will be just the first inkling for certain residents of the direction these doofuses are taking the Hotel Chelsea. Time to wake up and smell the toxicity.

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  7. Tick Tock Avatar
    Tick Tock

    Don’t give these dummies any ideas ~ next they’ll want to dismantle the lobby fireplace and the Shapshak along with it. Since Stanley Bard, no management has shown the least respect for the tradition and legacy of the Hotel Chelsea. Its only a matter of time for them and they’ll be gone too.

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