(Ed's note: This is the first in a series of reports written by a new columnist who will be contributing to the blog on a regular basis. Enjoy.)
With Hotel occupancy at an all-time low, tenant litigation increasing every day, and multiple stop work orders and violations served against the building, Chelsea Hotel Manager Andrew Tilley continues to upgrade the act by: working less!
Last week, Tilley didn't even break the 40 hour mark at the Hotel, clocking in at barely 38 – not exactly the hours of a man set on conquering the world, much less trying to compete with Stanley Bard's legendary 12 hour days. And that was when business was booming!
Remember all those mornings you crawled out of bed at 7am, only to find last night's wineglasses and ashtrays, candles and incense still burning, and AC/DC still on the CD player (this was before Ipod docking stations) and….Stanley Bard at the front desk wanting to know when you'd be paying the rent! And he'd already been there for an hour and phoned the Hotel from home before that! (PS Andrew, every day Stanley also wore a TIE – ever heard of those? They're the things you put around your neck when Marlene's hands aren't there).
Tilley started off the week poorly, showing up Monday morning (the first day after a long holiday slump, formerly the busiest season of the Hotel's year) at a lousy 9:08am, only later to shave an extra 8 minutes by leaving early at 4:52pm. Tuesday appeared to be another lackluster day in the life of Tilley with another tardy appearance at 10 after 9, but Andrew, always looking to improve, took his chances and left the Hotel at 4:31! A mere 7 hour and 23 minute day – not bad for a quarter of a million a year salary, eh mate? (Though I guess you won't be getting that bonus). One good turn deserves another, so Tilley took the morning off on Wednesday, arriving at a weekly low point of 9:25am. As one Hotel guest observed his late morning stroll of an entry from a hotel balcony (an excellent observation point), it was noted from above that Tilley's roots – or should I say his true colors – are starting to show. April Barton at the famous Suite 303 is the best colorist in New York and will upgrade your Sun-In/Hair Club for Men combo in a flash, Andrew.
Marlene must've gotten wind of this clockwatching though and chained him to his desk as he actually managed to stay that day past 5pm – three whole minutes! Still Tilley, just a mere 7:28.
Thursday was a different story, with Prince Andrew arriving promptly at 9 (still without a tie, though – isn't this guy a professional?) and clocking out at a mighty 5:03pm for his first and only 8 hour day of the week. Harvard Business Review here we come!
But old habits die hard, and Tilley's Casual Friday began at his typical 9:23. Then there was that 2 for 1 Happy Hour special at TGIFriday's at the Paramus mall, which must have accounted for Andrew's speedy departure that day at 4:51 – love those nachos!
Needless to say, the powerhouse Lord Andrew Tilley does not work weekends and the hours detailed above do not include long lunches or the time Tilley spent hanging out at the BreadStix Cafe, Starbucks, or sitting in the lobby talking — we have those timings also and will report on those shortly. Also, we are uncertain as to whether this part-time status in any way jeopardizes the $415 a week in imminent unemployment Tilley will likely attempt to collect – he'll need to call the Department of Labor to confirm that.
Since Andrew Tilley decided to opt for the police state version of the Chelsea with multiple cameras installed on every floor to surveil tenants, we thought we'd have a little police state of our own. You see, Andrew, this sinking ship you're captaining is full of leaks. And we also have cameras of our own. They're called eyes.
And they're watching you. — The New Kid on the Blog
Living with Legends 
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